It's hard to hide the tears. I cry in the car, I cry in the shower, the closet. At night when everyone is asleep. I have no emotion. I'm numb. I have to be strong, but I can't. I wasnt to crawl in a hole and hide. Hide until it's ok again. I don't know how long I can be this way. Each day I die. It feels like a bad dream that I cannot wake up from. I pinch myself to make sure that I am awake and I am. I want this pain to go away. Everything hurts. I pray everyday for God to help me understand, but I just can't.